a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize