I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
