You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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