I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
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If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
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Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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