I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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