Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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