3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize