does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
