so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
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Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
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Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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