Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
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i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
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"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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