can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
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The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
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Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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