Your dad touched me again.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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