Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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