she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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