we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
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letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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