if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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