He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
