god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize