The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
