I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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