I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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