so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize