She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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