The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize