Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......