After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
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I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
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Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.