I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.