She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing