She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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