pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
