3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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