If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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