So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
