some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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