I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.