Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
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this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
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she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body