When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
