Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
