I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
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I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
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You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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