why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?