I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.