I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
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Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
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He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.