how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.