I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize