So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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