Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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