She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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