Pregnant stripper...not hot.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
