dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
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He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
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Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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