Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.