Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in