I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
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I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
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Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.