remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
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I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
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you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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