i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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