i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
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The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
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I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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