U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
