It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
