So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
