Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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